Category Archives: Tony Robbins

5 surprising things I learned from #pamelasperiproject

Periscope hearts
Nothing is ever as it seems.

I just wrapped my 21-day Periscope challenge on Monday, and it turns out this thing I committed to was actually all about integrating the “stuff” I was wrestling with — stuff that was keeping me small and hiding my purpose from the world. As though my gifts and talents were meant for hoarding in the private attic of my soul, rather than to be shared with humanity.

The 21 days went by in a flash. After the first week, I really settled into a groove where scoping became a daily activity as given as brushing my teeth. Some days were awesome; I had other days where I had absolutely no inkling of what the hell I wanted to say.

I definitely haven’t mastered the art of scoping — half the time I forget my hashtags (#duh) — but the Peri Project was an awesome challenge for me, personally. Whodathunk something as silly as a daily social media practice would be so enriching?

  1. Consistency
    This one’s the obvious one. I mean, you don’t do a 21-day challenge on anything without teaching yourself about consistency. But like, seriously? Consistency is the key to success in anything. ANYTHING!There’s this quote I love:
    Zig Ziglar quote on motivation and bathing Is there anything else to be said about this you haven’t heard a million times before? Here’s a great one I got from Alex Beadon: Be the 1% of people who follows through. Really, the difference between the excellent and the outstanding (e.g., between gold and silver medals) is often just a millimeter of a difference (this one’s from my homeboy Tony Robbins). I’m learning, firsthand, a new level of esteem for myself simply thanks to finishing what I start. (This was why I began my weekly Style Tip Tuesday video series, and as of this writing, I now have 20 videos! BAM!) All that a painting is is a collection of brushstrokes, added one at a time, over time.
  2. Keeping my goal at the forefront
    I can’t emphasize enough just how much of a difference I felt by keeping myself accountable to doing this daily. Sometimes I’ll blow hot air and say something noncommittal, like, “Oh, I should tidy my room.”Yet, months later, my room will still (mysteriously) not be clean. This is because I don’t spend my entire day in my bedroom — it’s totally out of sight, out of mind. I definitely kept my Periscope challenge metaphorically in sight. This made all the difference, especially on days I had no idea what I wanted to say. Because I had a daily scope on my mind every day, I’d find something to say!
  3. I had the right to speak up
    Right at the end of week one, I had an ingenious idea. I’d been tuning into a scoper named Ian’s show — as a Ph.D student in neuroscience at UPenn, he broadcasts about four times a week on the topic, which I love as a young stroke survivor-turned-brain-enthusiast. One day, he scoped about the “neuroscience of free will,” which was both intriguing and difficult for me. His argument was that free will is just an illusion — and that everything we do is the result of what he calls “the conspiracy” between nature (brain chemistry and health) and nurture (our experiences). This didn’t sit well with me, and not for obvious reasons, but because, as a person to whom her spirituality is of utmost importance, I felt that free will was absolutely essential to higher consciousness and self-actualization. I realized that somebody needed to voice “the other side.” (As an atheist and primarily a neuroscientist, Ian did not leave much room for disagreement on the topic the first time around.) Once I started noticing where in my life I had been afraid of being seen, I stepped up and allowed myself to be that voice. No apologies. Of course, I often felt as though I’d thrown myself to the lions, as I jumped in rather off the cuff — which leads me to . . .
  4. Imperfect action is better than no action.
    As a recovering perfectionist, I know intimately the internal pressure to do outstanding work whenever it comes to creating something out of nothing. I still face my inner Bitchety Cricket every day — and sometimes, she wins. (This is partly why I still love blogging and writing, because I get to proofread, edit, and even re-edit already published content.) But Periscope is raw. It’s unedited, it’s “What you see is what you get,” and it’s downright scary sometimes.
    imperfect action better than no actionNow, I’m saving this for a much more in-depth post, but Gay Hendricks has introduced me to a concept that doesn’t sit well with Bitchety Cricket: It’s an idea that takes the whole “Be gentle with yourself” concept to another, altogether foreign, level. It’s the practice of being playful with your imperfections. Bitchety Cricket is not a fan of this practice, and to be honest, I’m not even sure what that could look like in my day-to-day life. But something tells me therein lies the cure to perfectionism (and therefore emotional self-flaggellation).The beauty, and the darkness, of Periscope is that it is unforgiving in its realness. And fortunately, if you mess things up really badly, there’s always DELETE. :)

  5. Success Begets Success
    I celebrated the fact that I’d made a voice of myself in my response scopes on free will. I actually surprised myself by creating a second Periscope account so that I could start an entirely new show called #STROKESCOPE. Not only did I now have double the Periscope fun — apparently I am officially a full-fledged addict! — but I now had a clearer purpose.

    I also found that the momentum I gathered by scoping daily also had other side effects: There were networking opportunities. Like-minded scopers and viewers started talking to me (my Twitter account hasn’t seen this much action since, well, ever) and following me. I’ve met some wonderful people through the platform, and there’s a new sense of pride and accomplishment that wasn’t there before I began the challenge. I see the results of this seeping into other areas of my life, too. People I once wouldn’t speak up to, I now do (graciously). I’ve become more assertive; no longer do I cower in the back of rooms or swallow the thing that really needs to be said. I feel more true to me.BONUS:

  6. The end is just the beginning
    Now that #PamelasPeriProject is over, I do feel lighter. Lighter because I’ve had a taste of success, discipline, and possibility, and now it’s like dropping a to do list on the ground — that piece of paper with all the shit begging to be done isn’t necessarily left behind. I can always pick it up again.It’s a beautiful balance of push and pull, and it just amazes me that all this Periscoping was actually a big lesson in self-care.

You haven’t seen the last of me yet!

Has this inspired you? Which of the five lessons rings truest to you? Leave me a comment and follow me on Periscope and Twitter! My usernames are @ciaoPamela and @strokeduplife.

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wealth week is now wealth month

I’ve decided to extend Wealth Week into Wealth Month — how convenient that we’ve just begun a fresh new month! Coincidentally, November is my birth month, and I definitely feel my financial story looking up! (Overwhelmingly, November is also NaNoWriMo — National Novel Writing Month — so I’ve got tons to write these days.)

cha-ching! Gold coins


I’ve taken a few days off from writing because I’ve begun customer service training at Argentina Leyva Portrait Photography (Art of Seduction). This should take place on weekends during the day (Fridays and Saturdays), with the exception of this week as Argentina is shooting a wedding, and Anthony and I are going to Los Angeles for the stock trading seminar by the folks who put on the Millionaire Mind Intensive. Pardon my sudden radio silence, which was mostly due to the sudden influx of work (Art of Seduction and otherwise) . . . holiday season is indeed upon us! Part two of the spirituality/money conflict will be released shortly.

In other news, as tax laws have recently changed, I’ll be forming an LLC; it’ll be an umbrella company that encompasses both my Premier jewelry business, my freelance writing, as well as this customer service position at the studio. As of now, the LLC’s services will include marketing (writing, photography, social media) and customer service. I still have to meet with the CPAs I’m considering for taxes, so stay tuned for more details.

Speaking of taxes, Tony Robbins advises that in order to become financially successful, we must become intimately familiar with the tax system. Granted, it is very difficult to keep up with as a non-accountant, but you could potentially be cheating yourself every year by overpaying in taxes simply because you didn’t understand the rules.

I’m on my way to Los Angeles tomorrow morning, so I’ve got to run for now — wanted to check in so you knew I didn’t disappear. The day before a flight is always unchained chaos, so be very impressed I was able to post this. 😉

Catch you on the flipside!

Onwards and upwards,

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[wealth week] the spirituality/money conflict, part 1

Is abundance a “must” for you?

Yesterday we talked about the difference between “shoulds” and “musts.” Unfortunately, a lot of us nowadays “should all over ourselves.” How many times do you hear things like this in everyday situations?



  • I really should start working out more, but I just don’t have time.
  • I really shouldn’t eat that, but I just can’t turn down a good burger.
  • I should be saving, but those shoes are SO cute.
  • I should really get to the meeting on time, but I have so much to do before I leave.

When we “should” over ourselves, it’s often a precursor to our excuse(s) as to why we aren’t doing whatever it is we should be doing.


In contrast, I find that we very rarely see people saying, “I shouldn’t watch one more episode before bed” and turning off the tube as soon as they say it. It’s uncommon to witness a person earnestly saying “I should” or “I should not” and then following through with a congruent action. If you’re one of these people, congratulations, you know what verbal integrity is! (I’m being serious, despite how sarcastic that may have come off. I really respect people who do what they say and say what they do.)

All this said, rather than thinking we “should” save money or invest or use T. Harv Eker’s jar system for money management, changing that should to a must is, well, a must.

But this is where things get hairy. We as a people tend to have some pretty mixed feelings about whether money is a good or a bad thing. When we have conflicting feelings about anything, the results tend to be pretty conflicting, too.



So first . . . I want to dispel the myth that wanting plenty of money is unspiritual. A lot of people associate spirituality with the swearing off of all material goods. To me, this makes zero sense, and I’m going to be a literary nerd here and allude to Shakespeare.

In his play King Lear, one of the quotes that always stood out to me as truth is this one:



O, reason not the need! Our basest beggars

Are in the poorest thing superfluous.

Allow not nature more than nature needs,

Man’s life’s as cheap as beast’s . . .

What this means is “humans would be no different from animals if they did not need more than the fundamental necessities of life to be happy” (as explained by SparkNotes — yes yes, I know. I may be out of high school, but I still think it’s a legitimate source of literary analysis).

But isn’t it true? We humans appreciate so many things beyond just feeding ourselves and seeking shelter. We celebrate art, whether it be in film, on canvas, or (thankfully) in the written word. No critter I know has ever reaped as much joy out of a good novel than I have, and I’ve been caught admitting that if I ever had to choose between a bed and a bookshelf, I might have to think about it. (No joke.)

Beyond life’s little pleasures, who draws the line between what’s “enough” and what’s “too much”? Why is the pauper who only has a bed and one blanket more noble than the person with a canopy and four decorative pillows? And isn’t there always worse? For every person who only has X, Y, and Z, there are people who only have X and Y, and perhaps someone with only Z. Who gets to say who’s more spiritual than another simply based on material possessions?

Not to mention, when your financial situation provides you enough to not have to worry, it creates this wonderful situation — one in which you can easily take care of your loved ones, give to the causes you believe in, and create that which you’re most passionate about. (I have more to say about this, but that is reserved for tomorrow.)

I think the problem lies in the bad examples of the wealthy that are out there. People mistakenly believe that the more money you have, the worse a person you must be — but that’s simply not true!

Money only gives you the ability to be more of whatever you already are (this is an MMI principle). There are douchebags and shining stars in every income bracket, and the greedy people who made it to the top have only created the option to be greedy on a larger scale.

That said, do I agree with most of the things the leaders who earn top dollar in corrupt industries do? No! But the reason we need to raise money to match their financial power in order to right their wrongs is because the less money we have, the less options we also have.

Let me repeat that. Money gives you options.

I’m not one to claim that wearing designer clothes or driving sports cars is the best way to spend your millions — not at all. But if you’re honoring yourself and your finances by splitting up your assets into the six categories in the jar system (financial freedom, long-term savings, education, necessities, play, and give), you’ll see that there’s nothing immoral about splurging on things you simply enjoy.



For example, for me, before I got my serious DSLR camera, I always felt like my photos fell short. I had the good eye for decent photographs, but the effect I always wanted was something my simple point-and-shoots couldn’t provide. I even invested in a small camera that was very good, and had far more options in terms of manual settings that exceeded most point-and-shoots, but ultimately, my demand for photos with an aperture setting won out.

So a year ago, I got my first DSLR, and I’ve never been happier taking pictures. Since I feel writing (blogging, for me) comes hand-in-hand with photography, it was an investment in my freelance work as well as an outlet for creative expression. Now that I’m the blogger for Argentina Leyva Portrait Studio, further expanding my photography repertoire may certainly be part of my job description one day.

In short, what may be considered a “luxury” item to one person (e.g., someone who knows nothing about photography) may be a very good investment to another. My boss Argentina certainly looks at her pieces of professional equipment in a different way than I do my own.

I also own a Mac. There is pretty much no one out there who can convince me to not have a Mac, no matter how many people grumble about a supposedly high price tag. To me, my Mac offers me value no other computer does.

Herein lies the rub! Money is simply an expression of value — it is what we trade for services and products that we alone can’t (or won’t) produce ourselves.



Consider the Picasso parable (I don’t remember from where in my studies of wealth I came across this, but I know I’m not imagining it, as I found this article online.

It seems a woman came up to Picasso and asked him to sketch something on a piece of paper.

He sketched it, and gave it back to her saying: “That will cost you $10,000.″

She was astounded. “You took just five minutes to do the sketch,” she said. “Isn’t $10,000 a lot for five minutes work?”

“The sketch may have taken me five minutes, but the learning took me 30 years,” Picasso replied.

The thing is, while every business does mark up its services and/or products, these things have cost the business owner (or whoever created them) countless hours of education, practice, and practical experience to get them where they are. Money is simply an expression of that energy, the efforts put in to create something salable, rather than just an arbitrary figure someone thought up to “rip you off.”

I recently had an experience very similar to this. While I was with my business team down at our Premier Designs headquarters, we visited manufacturing. Seeing all the manpower involved in creating molds, electroplating, and manually setting gemstones into the jewelry gave me such a newfound respect for the end product. To the consumer, this may just be a simple bangle or ring, but it was the result of how many workers putting in how many hours to create? Not to mention the electricity or whatever else it takes to run a huge brick-and-mortar establishment or the cost of materials and semiprecious metals! (Let’s not forget, either, the creativity of the design team or what their educations cost them in time and money.)

I’ve learned to never question too hard why something costs what it does. (Exceptions to this include things like selling Dasani water bottles at a tourist attraction for $10.) Sometimes, I’ll ask, “Why does this item carry the price tag it does?” and more often than not, I find out that oh, there’s silver in the threads in the material of this shirt, or hey, it took five years to produce this by hand . . . or whatever the case may be. Jumping to conclusions and just saying, “That’s too expensive” is just a lazy way of saying, “That’s out of my budget for this widget, and I’m choosing to direct my funds elsewhere.”

That said, I do understand that sometimes you don’t feel the need to invest in a gym top with silver embedded in it — and that’s fine. If your needs require a run-of-the-mill, off-the-rack cotton T-shirt, then it is your prerogative to write off the value in that silver-threaded top!

Value is relative to the consumer. For me, I’d rather spend the money on a Mac and everything being a Mac owner entails. I recognize and appreciate the service I get at Apple, and I utilize the crap out of Apple-exclusive programs. Macs hold a lot of value for me. And the beauty of a capitalistic market is that there’s usually something for everybody, and if there isn’t, well, no one’s stopping you from creating it yourself and profiting from it!

Returning to the $10 Dasani water, don’t you think your perspective might change if you were stranded on a desert, desperate for hydration? Heck, you might even throw thousands at that bottle of H2O! Value is relative. If you don’t see value in something, no one’s forcing you to buy it.

Just don’t stick your nose up at someone who’s asking you for more money than you think it’s worth. They’re in business for a reason, and if making money is that reason, you can’t fault ’em for that.

This post has gone on far longer than I anticipated . . . so I’ll have to conclude it tomorrow in part two. I hope some of this gave you food for thought! I leave you tonight with this video of one of my favorite business mentors, Marie Forleo:

Until tomorrow,


[wealth week] the 7 wealth wounds

If you’ve talked to me within the last three months, most likely I’ve found a way to work in the name Tony Robbins into conversation. (Some might say way too many times in the same conversation, but, uh, he’s amazing.) If you’re not interested in living your life to your fullest potential, then you can stop reading here. :)


So this guy has lived about 20 lifetimes in his time here on Earth, and what is so moving (for me) is that he started out with practically nothing. He grew up poor — so poor that one year his family didn’t even have food on Thanksgiving (more on that in a second) — and with four different fathers. Apparently, his mother was also a bit abusive. Now, he has touched and transformed more than 10 million lives around the world. He’s personally coached the likes of Oprah, three US presidents, Olympic athletes, Mother Theresa, and numerous other prominent figures. (For more on him and an in-depth HuffPost interview, go here.)

My favorite anecdote is the Thanksgiving story. One Thanksgiving when Robbins was a child, I believe roughly around 10 or so, his family didn’t have the food to celebrate with. His father was in the kitchen yelling about something when someone knocked at the front door.

Tony answered the door, and his eyes lit up at what he saw: A man stood there, carrying bags filled with groceries. Excited, Tony told him to wait so he could get his father. “Dad! Dad! You have to come to the door, quick!!”

When his father saw the man, he immediately growled, “We do not accept charity” and slammed the door.

The man blocked the door with his shoulder and explained, “Look, I’m just the messenger. The person who sent you this food cares a lot about you and your family, and knows you’re having a rough time this year.”

“We. Do not. Accept. Charity,” his father repeated, attempting to slam the door once more.

This time, the man stopped the door with his foot. “I’ll repeat: The person who sent you this food cares a lot about you and wants to help. I am just the manpower. Please, accept this gift on behalf of your family.” He gestured to Tony.

His father begrudgingly, and angrily, grabbed the food. The very next day, he left his family . . . for good.

But from this little exchange, Tony’s entire understanding, or paradigm, of the world shifted from whatever it used to be to “Strangers care.”

So from that moment on, he decided to devote his life to caring about strangers. As the “father of life coaching,” he has helped transform tens of millions of lives, as well as formed the Anthony Robbins Foundation, which feeds two to three million families in need per year around the world. (I am signing up to participate in this year’s Basket Brigade myself.)

As a result of that fateful Thanksgiving, he turned his worst day into his best day.

When Tony told his story to the thousands of us at the Unleash the Power Within seminar in July, I’m pretty sure he moved me to tears. When I relay it to friends and colleagues, many times they tell me they get goosebumps.

Pinning down his net worth proves not as easy as I’d like, with various sources estimating it anywhere from $30 to $480 and $508 million (I know, quite a discrepancy, right?!). Regardless, he has made it into Forbes among the richest of the rich. Whether it’s $30 or $508 million, I’d say things aren’t looking too shabby in the Robbins household, so he may have a little something to say about coming from nothing to quite a bit o’ sumfin!

(We have in common our inability to keep things concise.)

After the UPW, I invested my time into listening to his 25-disc audio program called The Ultimate Edge, and then I ordered his bestselling program, Personal Power II. It’s a 30-day intensive audio that covers pretty much every area of your life, including, you got it, finances.

$100 bills

In the first disc tackling finances, Tony introduces what he calls the seven “Wealth Wounds.” Without going too much into his (copyrighted) material, these wounds are:

  1. Assuming negative things about making or having a lot of money
  2. Not setting “having a lot of money” as an absolute must (“should” vs. “must” is a tremendous difference: We all do things we must do, but often not necessarily the things we merely should)
  3. Not having an effective strategy for wealth — strategies must be developed for bringing money in, managing it, and sharing it
  4. Inability to follow through consistently on financial goals
  5. Depending too much on “experts” rather than handling one’s own money (no one will care about your money more than you do!)
  6. Becoming financially complacent
  7. Allowing financial setbacks to ruin everything and not bouncing back and reinvesting

Wealth Wounds are simply another term for limiting beliefs. Remember, what you believe leads to your thoughts, which lead to your actions, and become your results.

One of the aims of the Millionaire Mind Intensive was to identify the limiting beliefs you’ve been conditioned to have (e.g., “money is the root of all evil,” “rich people are bad people”) and to eradicate them by replacing them with much healthier beliefs that serve you.

For instance, if on day one of the MMI, you believe “If I have a lot of money, I’ll just lose it,” you can expect to leave day three instead truly thinking “If I have a lot of money and I lose it, I can easily make more.” This is a crude example, but the power of beliefs shapes much more of what is in our external realities than you may think!

How many Wealth Wounds do you own up to? I can’t say I’ve healed completely, but I’m definitely getting there. We’ll talk about making abundance a “must” tomorrow when I tackle the spirituality/money conflict. If you have any questions about any of this, please leave a message in the comments below.

To your financial success,


wealth week begins here

As promised, this week is Wealth Week. Like I said in my previous post, I’m not speaking about money as somebody who’s already made her millions and is rolling in it. However, I’d for certain say I’m well on my way to creating my financial freedom.

Think-and-Grow-RichI’d like to point out an interesting fact: Napoleon Hill, author of the bestselling book, Think & Grow Rich, was not himself a wealthy man when he set out to write the book. Rather, he was commissioned by Andrew Carnegie to discover the most important wealth practices by interviewing the biggest names of the time. To this day, Think & Grow Rich is regarded as one of the most influential books on financial success that there is out there, despite the fact that it was written in the 20s.

Anyway, my point is, before you can embark on a long-distance journey with a goal in mind (I’m hesitant to say “destination,” as the journey often is far more important), you have to clearly know what you want. In order to achieve levels of greatness, modeling is in order. What do I mean by modeling?

Most of us require a teacher to show us the correct techniques and encourage us to practice with said techniques — it’s the same with playing piano, learning to write or run. Before you write, you must first read, and before you run, you must walk. The teacher helps lower the learning curve. We model ourselves after the people who have accomplished what it is we want.

Breaking down the steps to mastery is what bridges the gap between where we are now and where we want to be.

So when it comes to money and our money habits, really the only difference between those who have it and those who don’t is the cumulative effect of daily money practices. Money is one of those seemingly taboo subjects that is a natural part of life, which people for whatever reason generally dislike bringing up. (At least, in a healthy way. Bitching about how much stuff costs — i.e., having a scarcity mindset — isn’t healthy money talk.)

But the problem is, though it’s something we avoid in daily conversation, it is something we have to address in daily life.

Unless you are a bazillionaire, don’t you think there’s something that the rich know about money that perhaps you don’t? If it really were just a matter of smarts, why were so many outrageously successful entrepreneurs (e.g., Bill Gates, Steve Jobs) university dropouts?

Why would someone who’s financially in the red take money advice from anyone who hadn’t at least done the work to figure out what will get them to financial freedom? Weirder yet, why would someone who has no solution to their own financial problems feel entitled to offering advice??

Last year, I attended a seminar that changed my life. I dragged Anthony to it, and neither of us regretted it. Not only did it lay bare to us our hidden beliefs about money, but it helped me transform them by the end of the weekend. And beliefs, if you haven’t spent the time to think about them, are exactly what fuels everything we do.

Millionaire Mind Intensive

Beliefs lead to our thoughts, which then lead to our actions — which lead to our results.

I ended up leaving the Millionaire Mind Intensive feeling as though my first million was inevitable.

Sometimes when I bring up the topic of improving finances, I get this scary response:

“I think I already have a good handle on my money.”

And it’s invariably people whom I personally know have issues with their finances who say this! These are always the individuals who at one time or another have admitted to me that they either couldn’t afford something they wanted/needed, had trouble with overspending, or didn’t have any savings.

The number one thing you must be able to do if you want to change something in your life is to recognize there is a problem. Don’t let your ego fool you into believing everything is perfectly fine as-is, that living paycheck-to-paycheck and answering to someone else for the rest of your life doing something you may not even enjoy is good enough. How many people in your exact situation (or better?) have ended up totally screwed financially because they didn’t get educated on how to improve their situation?

softening problem

Softening your problems (like saying, “Fast food isn’t so bad for you” when you’re supposedly on a mission to be healthier and lose weight, for example) gives you permission to stay where you are (or get worse). It’s pretty much a silent killer to any dream you may have, and unfortunately, you have to get real.

Don’t be afraid to say, even just to yourself, that you’d love to be able to splurge on that designer purse or on hiring a nanny to take care of the kids as you take a mini vacation over the weekend to recharge — and not have to give anything else up in order to do it.

As a recovering spender-avoider, I know that back when I was the type to just drop over $800 on a purse with the blink of an eye, I was sacrificing future financial security by just buying “things” rather than investing in something that would benefit me in the long run.

And as selfish as it may sound to pay a nanny to watch your children when you go on a weekend getaway, a lot of us forget that taking care of ourselves first allows us to become better parents, better friends, siblings, whatever. It’s the whole airplane practice of putting on your oxygen mask first — if you can’t even breathe, how can you effectively take care of someone else?

The point is, there is nothing wrong with feeding our souls with the occasional splurge or vacation, as long as we’ve already set up systems to ensure we can indeed afford to without it negatively impacting our long-term well being.

The so-easy-you-can-even-teach-your-kids-to-do-it money management system that the Millionaire Mind Intensive taught us is called the jar system. In putting this into practice, I’ve had some amazing aha moments, such as:

  • By prioritizing each important area of your life, you automatically take care of your future as well as your current needs/wants by divvying everything as soon as money comes in.
  • Not touching certain money that is yours is just as important as spending it. This sounds obvious to you savers out there, but the whole concept of having an account full of money that I’m only allowed to add to (rather than take away from) was as foreign to me as Greek.
  • There’s only abundance. If you ever hear me say “I only have $50 right now,” it’s a lie. What I really mean is I’m only budgeted currently to spend $50 on whatever it is in question. Because the money management system teaches you to divvy all your income into separate categories, you never find yourself at your last penny. Perhaps I only have $50 to spend on play, but my financial freedom account holds much, much more. I’m just not allowed to touch it!

So in this Wealth Week series, I will discuss the teachings to T. Harv Eker, author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind (incidentally what the MMI is based on) — which I devoured recently. In my lengthy study of wealth creation, I also bring you advice from the likes of Tony Robbins, my friend and “light worker” Valerie Love, success author Brian Tracy, and probably other resources I’ve tapped into in this exploration.

If you’re a local Chicagoan, I highly recommend getting yourself registered for your own attendance at the upcoming Millionaire Mind Intensive Special Edition next month in Schaumburg. It’s three days that will drastically change your life (if you let it — more on that later).

I’ve signed up to volunteer at the event, so I hope to see you there! Next week, Anthony and I will board planes to Los Angeles to attend their stock trading intensive so we can begin investing our FFAs (financial freedom accounts) and diversifying our income. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a wealth empire. Tomorrow, I’ll address the three “wealth wounds” as described by Tony Robbins (whose approach to money mastery aligns very well with everything the MMI teaches, by the way). The guy came from practically nothing (more on his story tomorrow) and now owns an island, so he may have something to teach the rest of us!

Say you’re not necessarily looking to make millions or be financially free. Attending the seminar and/or reading Eker’s book will still teach you the tools you need to safeguard your future from being one of lack or of counting pennies. I’ll discuss the spirituality/money conflict this week, too, but for now, it’s something to think about.

To your financial freedom,


[rant] did i express a need or a desire?

I’ve been eager to address this issue on my blog for a while . . . With travel in July and then an absolutely transformative extended weekend “spirit staycation” in Schaumburg at Tony Robbins’s legendary Unleash the Power Within seminar that then set dynamite to so much of my life, it’s taken me this long to truly get settled back into the everyday of normal life. (I tend to take the time I need to reset.)

UPW Tony Robbins

Unleash the Power Within via

Anyway, I’m back, baby! Today I’d like to talk about the concept of creating needs in prospective clients. As businesspeople (or salespeople or whatever — and 100% of working people are marketers in whatever it is they do), sometimes it is a common practice to make assumptions about other people’s needs and then accidentally come across as annoying or pushy.

You know what I mean. People in sales don’t have a bad rap for no reason. (To be clear, I also plan to write a post about the fallacy that selling is evil. More on that later, but for the record I have no problem with the sales industry.) I for one will be the first to admit that I don’t mind being sold to — in fact, if you have a solution to a problem I’ve got, tell me what I don’t know! Share your product or service with me, and if I resonate with it, I’ll either look you up, keep you in mind, or buy on the spot.

But this does not give businesspeople permission to swoop down and play predator. I’d say the vast majority of people out and about feel similarly, that they are more than willing to trade dollars for value. Naturally, value differs from person to person. For me, it’s just about the easiest thing to sell me a book or a fitness program because I value reading, learning, and exercise. But I know some people who wouldn’t exercise if you paid them, but something like a video game means the world to them.

People value different things, and unless you personally know these people or they have told you explicitly what they need or desire, do not make assumptions. ESPECIALLY if you have never actually spent the time to get to know these people!

Let me repeat that. Before selling to somebody, you must invest the energy to make a connection with that person. Don’t tell me you don’t have the time — if you want your brand to be associated with integrity, good service, and authenticity, you absolutely must build relationships with the people you work with. People trust people, not companies.


That said, though, when money comes into a relationship, it becomes a business transaction. That’s fine, and someone is far more apt to exchanging her hard-earned dollars for product/service if she believes you care about her. Do you? I hope so — make it your mission to reach out and offer your product or service only when you can really see how you’re meeting these people’s needs or desires.

Now, this is the key. Before you start shooting off your pitch, ask yourself two key questions. Did she express a need? Did she express a desire?

When I say “express,” I mean “explicitly say” or “imply.” I do NOT mean that you get to conclude she could really use your service, your widget, or opportunity based on how she appears.

Look, when I was an undergrad I was told I “looked like a party girl.” Since I never brushed my teeth with a bottle of Jack or left a trail of glitter in my wake (#Ke$ha) — oh, and in case I didn’t make it clear in my first post on networking, I hated parties filled with strangers — this was pretty inaccurate. I was also approached walking around on the quad by sorority girls inviting me to check out their houses. (I spent exactly zero seconds in my seven years of undergrad in frat houses and maybe two hours at my friend’s sorority event one time.) I’m not saying that these people offended me; they didn’t, but they did make some off-mark assumptions about me and my lifestyle.

(By the way, I know what you’re thinking, and no, I was not a hermit at university. I still made friends and went to parties when it felt okay.)

You just simply cannot know what someone is or isn’t interested in before you engage in conversation and actually bother to find out.

I have had the misfortune to have networked with many women recently who forgot to actually ask me anything about me or my life, which is fine. It happens. But they then proceeded to promote their opportunities, events, and products to me over and over again to the point that I actually got pretty upset.

They both sell beauty and skincare products. The fact that my skin may look great does not automatically mean I’m what Jenna Marbles calls a “goo hoarder” (YouTube it). On the contrary, for me, it means I’m good, thanks.



I also had a graphic designer single me out at a networking event recently (as in, in front of every person there) for having home-made business cards. She assumed I needed someone to do them for me because I was doing them myself — by the way, I like the way they are, homemade or not. My company is also finally allowing us to create our own webpages this coming fall, so it makes no sense to order new cards at this juncture. And I enjoy creating my own marketing materials! (Call me a control freak, but I designed each and every one of my blog banners from this one to Rehab Revolution to Premier Pamela, as well as the one for my parents’ restaurant. If I had the patience to adapt graphic design seriously into my marketable repertoire, I’d happily do so.)

I hope this rant inspires you never to make assumptions again about what someone needs or desires before you go ahead and create these for him. Worst-case scenario? Can you imagine if you were a personal trainer, you ran into a stranger who was a bit overweight, and you said, “Hi! You look like you could use some exercise. Look me up”?

I think that’s ’nuff said.

Here’s the thing, though. You can encourage them to express their needs or desires by asking the right questions. But you’re not going to go anywhere if you then feel you need to convince them of anything and do the “hard sell,” because then it becomes more about you and not about serving them and offering them a solution to their problem.

Perhaps you’ve done everything right. You’ve established a relationship of trust and camaraderie and you’ve asked them the appropriate, non-pushy questions. They’re either not interested or it’s not the right time. Don’t sweat it — now is the best time to reply with a friendly, “Great, if anything changes and you think I can help you out, please let me know. Do you know anyone else who might benefit from [my product or service]?” Asking for referrals is a sound practice that can greatly multiply your client base, so get in the habit of doing so.

And as always, if you hear they do need or desire a certain connection with a specific type of person (“a chiropractor,” “an accountant,” what have you), jump at the chance to connect them! Remember, networking is also about creating connections that don’t have anything to do with you, either. (Like the callback? Eh, eh?) Put out that positive energy and it’ll reward you in return.